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Holidays After Child Loss

Holidays bring our losses to the surface, magnify our emotions and all the things going on inside us. We're assaulted commercially with all things holiday, it’s in every store, on TV, in ads, it’s everywhere. We know it’s coming. How do we handle this?

 

First, know that it's okay to hurt and give yourself permission to do so.  

 

Awareness is key! Acknowledge that the holidays will look different then what we pictured or are used to and most likely will bring a layer of challenge. Grief takes a phenomenal amount of energy. Understanding your capacity will help avoid breakdown. 

 

Planning ahead and communicating with your people in advance, making sure everyone understands your boundaries and perhaps the need to change or avoid traditions and plans can greatly reduce the likelihood of having to do damage control.   Remember, not everyone will be grieving the same way you are grieving and that the way others will want to spend the...

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MOVE:ment Through Adversity

As we all know all too well, adversity is not reserved for day-time soap operas. Even the most fortunate have experienced adversity of some type, be it a loss of a job, health problems, failed relationships, disappointments at work, financial difficulties, etc.

 

But then there is the worst of adversities... the death of our loved one, our child.

 

I intentionally used the word 'movement' through adversity in the title as adversity has an uncanny way of paralyzing us. If we do not choose movement through it, we will be stalled in the white knuckle grip of adversity.

 

Here are three action steps to help you move through adversity today:

 

1. Take inventory. When we are dealt a loss, we tend to feel lost and that all is lost. Identify what is lost other than stating the obvious physical loss of your loved one.  What has changed and what is the same? Take a moment to breathe. Then, on a blank piece of paper, for 1 uninterrupted minute, write...

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The next better step

Someone asked me recently... "How can you just decide to choose better?"

 

My answer...

 

I had to make a real commitment to do whatever it took to get to the next better feeling. I recognized I could not go from A to Z without going step by step. A to B to C to D, etc... I could not go from the deepest sorrow and bitterness to joy in a day.

 

That meant taking small steps to keep choosing again, to continue to choose the next better feeling and emotion. To make an appointment to see a therapist, to reach for a different thought, to stop repeating the negative part of my loss story over and over and over again, to seek out an outlet to bring positivity into my life, to honor instead of resist whatever comes up in any given moment and steer it back to love, to recognize every opportunity is a place to grow, to align myself with high vibrations, to pray about it all and surrender when I knew I could not possibly do it on my own (I was not meant to), to make my...

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Surrender

Complete surrender.

 

Is it possible?


I think we all KNOW we have very little control when it comes to our circumstances.
We know this to be true, yet try to control things anyway... you know, try to make a square peg fit into a round hole type thing.


And when we say we are letting go, giving it to God, come what may, releasing the reigns, surrendering it all... No more than 5 minutes later, we snatch it right back.


What is with us???

 

Well, I am on a plane right now to a city I've never been, for an event I don't know much about, rooming with complete strangers, leaving behind my boys... Normally, I would be apprehensive about all of this, but the reconstructed version of me is all in of letting it all go 100% without thinking ahead, just being present, and surrendering expectations.


So today surrender is possible and I feel free!!!

 

If it's a God thing, it's a thing!

What are you surrendering to today?

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Split Paths

"I asked grief, 'what do you fear?' She said, 'turning into resentment and not compassion'."

Our grief constantly presents us with having to make choices, split paths, deciding major moments in life. When I saw this post on Instagram it struck a nerve, for I was once caught up in walking down the road of resentment after losing Ari.
 
Quite honestly, it can be pretty tempting and seem almost easier to stay in the suck, to follow the path of misery. It took a lot less energy to be swallowed up and consumed, without putting up a fight.
 
Right after Ari died, I was in go-go-go mode, trying to make things happen that most likely were not meant to be. It was kind of like trying to put a square peg into a round hole. Trying to make sense of Ari's death, finding the reason. Everyone kept saying 'everything happens for a reason' so I insisted on finding it. With no answers (because there will never be one), I was frustrated to no end.
 
Anger consumed me most of the time....
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