I will never hide my grief for I will never hide my love.
Grief is a gift.
Grief is your connection.
Grief is a reclaiming of your love.
But when someone grief shames you, it feels as if a part of your body is physically cut off.
Have you ever felt invalidated?
"Shouldn't you be past this by now?"
"Hasn't it been (insert time) already?"
We question ourselves. Of course. Who wouldn't?
"Am I not doing this right?"
"Should I be further along?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
Truth? There is something wrong. But I don't blame one side or the other. No pointing fingers. No blame game.
When we look at both 'sides' we share a few commonalities.
1. No one is schooled in grief. Now there is common sense, but often our own insecurities and discomfort trumps or blocks that awareness.
2. Feelings of pressure to hold it together or fear of saying or doing the wrong thing prevent us from speaking our needs, what we truly want.
3. The feeling of powerlessness is there. Either not sure how to move forward or how to offer support.
The solution??? Open, honest, raw, real, and direct communication with whomever it is that grief shames you (and most likely it is so unintentional).
No matter how hard, it can be beautiful. And you will feel better after you talk about the impact of their words.
Yes, grief shaming hurts. But we don't want to walk around kicking people out of our lives either. Acknowledge the grief exists. There is an uncomfortable or foreign energy present. It is hard for you the griever, and it is uncomfortable for your supporter.
What is your grieving style?
What is their supporting style?
Then choose to work through as through is the only way.
And choose to do so with curiosity, led with love.
I will never hide my grief for I will never ever hide my love.
Don't hide your grief.
Share your grief just as you share your love.